Jess' Blog

There's this quality about me...

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 20:21:21 GMT

... and it just so happens to discourage people from messaging me on Facebook or MySpace after the first, like, 2 message exchanges. It's quite weird. It's happened 3 or so times already. What happens is I usually discover someone on MySpace or Facebook. A local blogger, political activist, etc. I send them a small message along with a friend request usually saying something like "Hey, I read your blog all the time, I love it!" or "Hey, we have a lot of friends in common, so I decided to add you! You seem super cool, too." or what the fuck ever I want to say at the moment. Now, the recipient is usually very flattered, so they reply back with a message that promotes interest in me, such as "Wow, thanks! It's always so nice to meet someone who reads my stuff! So, where are you going to school?" And I'll reply with the appropriate answer, further detail how I acknowledge them, and end with some more questions about them.

I'm sure they read the message, the thing is... they never reply!

It's super annoying!

How does one NOT reply to that kind of message? It's so basic, yet open.

'In a Relationship'...

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 05:37:38 GMT

... the three most evil words I have ever heard.

I am so pissed off!

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 06:00:37 GMT

What the hell! Ugh I just... oh man, I so don't have time to go over the story behind this post, but my GOD am I pissed that he didn't reply to my e-mail.

I occasionally wish I weren't alive...

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 21:51:00 GMT

.... that is all.

I think...

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 04:02:14 GMT

...I'm a nutjob. Seriously. I just went through my MySpace crush's new photos and saved them all. But, come on! He changes them, like, every day!

Ugh, I'm such a stalker...

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 05:11:43 GMT

I really, really need to stay off the internet after 10 o'clock.

I was snooping through Facebook, and I realized my MySpace crush, who, um, stopped.... talking to me, just got a Facebook.

I hate myself. You know why? Because even though he's ignored every email I've ever sent him since August, I still try. And try. And try. I just added him to Facebook.

Hate hate hate.

Agghhhshskfjlhaklsjdhas

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 03:19:34 GMT

I just left a comment on someone's Facebook that was too long, and it only showed, like, half the comment on his page. This is only a big deal because I think I'm starting to like the guy in question. He's the editor of a local blog, and he's sorta cute. He always paid particular attention to me for some reason, but I just thought he was friendly... but anyway, I feel silly now. And I know it's not a big deal, because he probably honestly doesn't like me at all, and I just hope he sees the comment as a friendly greeting as opposed to me making a fool out of myself.

I meant for the comment to come out as "Jessica wishes Brock a happy and safe Halloween ('cause we all know how SF is on Halloween, thank you Gavin...), and says goodnight to him." But the comment comes out as "Jessica wishes Brock a happy and safe Halloween ('cause we all know how SF is on Halloween, thank you Ga". And it's like, UM, AWKWARD.

For shame :-(

I won't fail the Science test THAT bad if I don't study...

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 01:39:57 GMT

Oh my God, I so need to do my homework. Like, now. But I cannot tear myself away from ontd_political.

THANKS A LOT ONTD. YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE ONCE AGAIN. ALL MY F'S WILL BE BECAUSE OF YOU.

My Grandpa...

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 03:51:31 GMT

...died. I'm in San Francisco visiting my family, and I was on the computer watching yesterday's SF Board of Supervisors meeting, and I hear the phone ring(we don't often answer phone calls from numbers we don't know), then heard a message being left. I didn't pick it up right away, because I thought it would just be some bill collector calling for my mom. Then I heard "I don't know if the police have contacted you yet, but Richard Drake has passed away..." I tore off my headphones and called to my mom "Mom, mom, I think Grandpa's dead" my heart pounding 100 miles a minute. She rushed in and got a call from a dear friend of my Grandfather's and just started crying... It was awful. I'm going through a little bit of an ignorance state right now. I knew my grandpa well, but he was a terribly flawed person. I'm sure his death was caused by his alcoholism, which he refused to discontinue. I do feel awful, but not so much about the idea of him being gone, more about my mother. She knew him very well.

He was my father's father, and the entire reason my father turned out as horribly messed up as he was and is is because of his dad, so I never understood why we were talking to him. He has treated my family like crap since my mom and dad got married. He continued to live with us for the majority of my upbringing, and even though he abused alcohol, didn't take care of himself, came close to death; and even though he would lay in his soiled bed and make my poor mother take care of him, she continued to talk to him. Probably because after about 3 years of not talking to him, he had changed his life around. He stopped drinking, started eating very healthy, lived well, and made money. He accepted the fact that the way he raised his children was the reason they didn't talk to him anymore. In return, he got my mother's friendship.

And now he's gone.

I can't say he personally affected my life in any positive way. When I was 15, we were enjoying lunch together and I told him I wanted to be a politician. He simply looked at me with a condescending look of disbelief and simply asked "Why in the world would you want to do that?" Or, the one memory which has stuck with me since it's unveiling when I told him I wanted to go to Harvard School of Government (aka JFK) and he preceded to tell me how "the only way you're going to get into that school is if you're incredibly smart, incredibly rich, or know very important people."

=( ...

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 22:46:56 GMT

... I was exercising, and big, scary, black bug with long legs and wings came and took over my work-out space.

I felt like a hostage :(

I was exercising happily... then I just noticed this huge ass bug flyin' around and I ran inside, waited for it to leave, then continued my work-out. Then it came back, and the cycle continued, until I waited inside for 15 minutes for it to leave. I think it's gone for good now.

Hallelujah!

Nikolas...

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 01:24:42 GMT

.... is my newest crush. I got over Ross. I'll talk about him and his array of flaws later.

Nik (yes, I know, Nikolas is an odd spelling) is a guy in my Summer classes. Both of them, fortunately. I get to be around him and his greatness 5 hours a day. He is basically the reason I am LOVING these GOD AWFUL classes. How HIGH exactly WAS I when I signed up for Summer classes?! I could TOTALLY be sleeping in EVERYDAY and SLACKING OFF! Okay, MAYBE a life of total sloth isn't for me, which is why my better half signed up for the classes.

Anyway, back to Nik.

Nik is taaaaall and lanky. Maybe, 6'2". Perfect height. Now... Nik isn't particularly cool. Contrary to popular belief, college is more similar to highschool than most think. Yes, their are cliches; yes, there are groups; yes, there is popular and unpopular. I fall into the weird, awkward category between popular and unpopular. I'm pretty much endowed with popularity because I'm tall and pretty, but I don't act out on it because a lot of the kids at my school are jackasses, and I choose not to hang out with them. Nik easily falls under unpopular, hahaha. But he is very smart (I'm taking a math class with him). He's, like, the teacher's aid. We basically have this temp-acting-as-not-temp teacher who probably getting paid, like, $100 a week to be doing this class- which is a long way of saying "he's not that bright."

He's a hippie, he doesn't shave, and he kinda smells. And wears the same Goodwill-bought outfit everyday. Plus he's not entirely qualified to be teaching a politically driven math class. So, he has chosen Nik to be his "aide," which basically means Nik gets to stare at the dry-erase board and make sure Prof. Smelly got 2+2 right.

He is RIDICULOUSLY smart. But I have a strong, probably correct feeling that he is a HUGE stoner. Let's discuss the signs:

a) He has a STUPID face! The face he makes when he concentrates (your concentration face is probably the face you're making right now as you read this) is very... neanderthaloid. His mouth hangs open a little, and his eyes droop... It is... hilarious, to say the least. And a little worrying.

b) Drug references on his clothing and/or accessories. He possesses a wallet with a pot plant on it. 'Kay. So that...confirms it, right?

c) His MySpace contains many comments left by friends referring to him looking "stoned." I highly doubt he would have friends saying he looks stoned if he doesn't, well, get stoned.

Now, it's not TERRIBLE! Obviously he's doing pretty well. He's at Harvard, right? Who cares if he's a total stoner? The only problem is, I've never seen him around normal school... now, he could just be entering next year. I don't know.. anyway, he's 24 and smokes what seems to be a lot of pot.

I just got done having a long talk with my brother about my somewhat erratic dating patterns and emotional patterns I go through when- and before- dating... I realize I really, really just have to sit back and go with the flow. If he likes me, he'll probably end up doing something about it. I'm just worried that, given the information I possess now, and what's happened so far between us... I just don't think he does like me.

And, of course, some guy doesn't totally cling to me within the first 5 days of knowing me, he must not like me. And, he can't just "not know me well enough to like me" or "hasn't had enough time to express his liking of me" it has to be "he thinks I'm ugly / fat / unattractive / dumb / uninteresting / anything negative." It isn't the greatest way of thinking, but I can't necessarily help that.

But, again, I'm just going to "go with the flow." As of now, he's just indifferent to me. He has had a small conversation with me (as awkward as it was), and does ask me questions, and glances my way- so I obviously don't repulse him. That's good, and it's a first step. And, if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. It's no big deal. Life will go on, I probably won't see him after these Summer classes... Everything will work out okay.

Dammit...

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 20:26:39 GMT

... I have to complain for a second.

Hear me out.

Okay, so, I have 2 websites. Both fansites. One for the punk band, Rancid; the other for CNN anchorman, Anderson Cooper. So right now my Rancid fansite is just this crappy, unorganized Geocities site, RancidPunxPics. I made RPP when I was like 16, okay, so its terrible. All I knew back then was HTML, so the whole site... ugh its just bad. Those little temp sites (Geocities, FreeWebs, Angelfire) those are for, like, personal sites and blogs. Photo galleries, videos, music... shouldn't be involved. Anyway, so I'm, like, this professional website maker now, I can make kickass sites with my eyes closed. I bought an official site and planned to make my Rancid site neater and more official, more professional. That was a YEAR ago, hahaha. I bought this thing and I just kinda... stopped caring about Rancid. Keep in mind I was head-over-heels obsessed with them when I built RPP. I don't even give a rats ass about them anymore, haha, I'll enjoy their music every once in a while... anyway, so I'm putting all this effort into a site I no longer feel passion for. When I first started building the site, I came across a LOT of difficulties... too much to talk about, It would take hours to write. I officially gave up maybe 8 months ago. Now I'm back on it, I know I can do it, it's fine, it's easy, I'll get it over with... then I came across ANOTHER roadblock!

Besides the fact that a site feature, the welcome message (the short note that says, like, "hey welcome to the site blah blah") won't work, my laptop's charger.. burned out or something! It went off! Won't do it, the laptop doesn't pick it up. So I let my laptop stay turned on, just...dying for an hour, and RIGHT at the last literal 2 minutes before it died I realized, "I need to get all the videos off it!" the at least I can still work on my site on another computer. I'll care about the music later, I just need the videos, I'll put it on a USB storer, put it on my desktop, and we'll be fine, I can continue. Didn't happen that way. Right as the pop-up screen for "what would you like to do with the USB?" came up, it died.

So, I'm stressin'... I was telling myself I'll open the official site with just the photo gallery available, and I'll work from there. Then I was like "ehhhh it'll only take a couple of hours to upload the videos and music" then this happens! It was TOTALLY going to be completed by today...

I'm also going to Oregon to meet my immediate family there and visit my mom's family (sisters, brothers, mom, ect.). So I might have to be on that plane for, what, 10-12 hours with NO laptop? No, SORRY, doesn't work that way!! How easy is it to just get a new charger? Will they have to order? Will Best Buy have one in stock?! Ughhhh this is HORRIBLE!

Holy Mother of God

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 20:57:27 GMT

Oh my God, this is AWFUL! I just checked my Sent folder to see if Ed read the message, and I see HUNDREDS of messages I apparently sent to HUNDREDS of people!! How awful is that?! Oh, man, I have a VIRUS. I AM A VIRUS! Hahaha, oh man, my friend was right, I NEVER should have opened that one message... shit. I think I'm going to have to get a new MySpace.

And some of them are SO FUNNY! Some of them are titled "ur cute" and "fk me." FK ME?? Hahhaa, I'm sorry, but my new philosophy on life is, "if I didn't learn to laugh at myself, I would be dead by now."

This is fucking killing me

Thu, 31 May 2007 15:44:55 GMT

He took me off his fucking friends list! He took me off! Ed took me off! I went to his page, and I got the "this is a private profile, you must be friends"

I swear to God, I'm gonna break. Weeks and weeks..I mean, I'm in shock. Literal shock. You have no idea how hard it is for me to breathe right now. I'm freaking out I am going to cry this is killing me.

Well, I have to send a request, right? It's fucking bullshit! Why would he do that?! So I sent a couple of stupid e-mails, fine, don't reply, but you don't take me off your friends list!

[edit]

HAHA, OH MY FUCKING GOD. I WASN'T SIGNED IT! IT DIDN'T LET ME SEE IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T BOTHER SIGNING IN.

Oh my God. I'm such a fucking drama queen, hahaha. To quote Chris Griffin, "If I didn't learn to laugh at myself, I would be dead by now."

Well, I'm in Boston...

Mon, 28 May 2007 15:20:13 GMT

...and very bored. As always. And tired! And cold. It's early (for me). I was up all night talking to people I had met in the MySpace chat rooms- WHICH ARE SO FUN so don't knock it 'til you've tried it. I met some cool people. And nooo they're not old, creppy pervs. As far as I'm concerned.
I'm at a Starbucks while my friend picks up her pay check and has a quick meeting. I go with her occasionally, and do some downtown shopping. Fun, fun. I don't have much money today, unfortunately. So I'll probably only be able to go to Ross... Oh well, I'll still have fun. I love Boston.

Oh, alright...

Fri, 25 May 2007 18:24:22 GMT

... Ed didn't reply. That's fine. It just, ya know, let's me now that he either finds me boring or uninteresting or unintelligent or unattractive... it's fine. Really. It's totally 100% cool that the guy I look up to almost more than my mother doesn't find me and my thoughts important enough to respond to.

No, that's totally nice.

I need help.

Fri, 25 May 2007 07:51:26 GMT

I need to stop e-mailing Ed at late hours. Because then I'm up until way fucking ridiculously early waiting for a reply and or a notice that he has at least read the e-mail. I just cant seep. This is awful. I mean, I'm relieved. For some stupid reason I was excited or something, and put a "?!" in the subject. Okay..."?!" That is a proclamation used by freaks and speed adicts. Srsly. It makes me sound like I'm way too excited about a topic that is rather mundane. Plus, I didn't even ask him any questions. I just hate how he hasn't been responding, and I know he will continue to not respond... I might as well stop setting myself up for this crap.

And I need to stop e-mailing him at 11:30 at night, because not only will he check it past the hours of 9:30 at night, which makes it more likely that he will not respond, I will be up until 3:30 in the morning, such as now, with an inability to sleep because I need to know if he replied, or read and didn't reply... blah blah, it's all so immature and I need to just shut my pie hole.

Well, dammit.

Fri, 25 May 2007 02:52:08 GMT

I have a great subject to e-mail Ed about (a new San Francisco mayoral candidate) and I just...can't. For many reasons.

1. I've already sent him 3 e-mails, to which he did not reply.

2. I personally hate to be annoying.

3. He knows more about the situation than I do because I'm 1000 miles away, and...1&2.

Maybe I will. I really don't expect him to reply. Wish me luck.

[edit]

AGHHH I DID IT. I DID IT. YOU ALL HAVE TO PRAY.

This is why I miss San Francisco...

Thu, 24 May 2007 02:06:07 GMT

I went to go see Shrek the Third and there were 3 families there, along with my friend and myself. Now, granted, during the loud parts, I'll occasionally say something witty to my friend, when the moment calls for it. But I am not a 3 year old child screaming my head, or a 2 year old child making monkey noises, or a 4 year old child running up and down the aisles.

Now, why I say I miss San Francisco is because there are no families there. And, for some odd reason, every family that I have personally observed living in San Francisco disciplines their children well. Very well. Well enough not to let them scream, make annoying and loud noises, or run around movie theaters. That, apparently, is physically impossible to do in Cambridge.

I could've easily chosen a different school in a better, childless city to attend college. I should have just gone to Columbia...

Well...

Tue, 22 May 2007 14:51:58 GMT

... that was the first time I logged into MySpace without some stupid, oversized animated background freezing it up.

Don't quit your day job, Tom.

Oh, the days go by...

Tue, 22 May 2007 03:01:02 GMT

... and still no word from Ed. I suppose I didn't expect a resonse, but honestly. I thought he was more polite than that. I can't help but read my previous e-mails, and his responses, and not see any reason for him to not reply to the last 2. Unless he just thought I was *insert negative emotion here* from the beginning, and didn't expect me to write him more than 4 times.

I just fail to see the logic. As much as I'm trying not to let it affect me, I can't help but have a slightly more damaged self-esteem. I think I have every reason... I don't want to kill myself, but come on. Biggest inspiration. Oh, well. I'll start feeling better once I watch some more Family Guy and Futurama. Humor always helps get the negative emotions out of my system. I'll be getting on with my life soon enough.

By the way, I don't like LiveJournal's new entry post box.... when I get that red squiggly line under words, I used to be able to right-click and add those words to my dictionary (if I knew they were correctly spelled, i.e. 'MySpace' is not a technical dictionary word, so the red line appeared under it). I hope enough people complain, and LJ fixes it.

I've been trying so hard (maybe too hard) to find some new favorite songs. I've been in love with "Lief Erickson" by Interpol, "These Things" by She Wants Revenge, and "Time" by Timbaland feat. She Wants Revenge. I love those songs, because they're slow, but catchy, slightly depressing, and the singers have those boxy, robotic voices. I absolutely love them. Literally, those three songs are the only songs I've been listening to lately. I know I'll get over them soon, so I'm looking for back-up music, but I can't find anything. I don't like any other Interpol or She Wants Revenge songs. I've been venturing into the Killers, and so far I've had a little luck. Oh, well.